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The Start of Esoteric – Part 1
In the wee hours of the morning, most likely, I decided to buy a url and domain, esotericpoetry.com — this was probably at the end of 2019. This whole thing never had a jumping off point, and it probably won’t have a middle or end, but I’ve decided to add more to the front page (6.27.20) Could go on forever. Could never last. So, what was happening in 2016-17th and 18th? It’s a blur, save some changes that need to be addressed later on in another post. Yet, those years seem to pale in comparison to the culmination of what very few people predicted in 2019 and ’20.
NOT DRINKING TOOK 3 YEARS
Please be advised, I will not be responsible for this material after it is read.
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I was seeing double beginning 2016, or the night Donald was elected president. I didn’t remember it then, don’t care to remember it now. It was the string of soon-to-be disasters, it was apocalyptic, I will not lie, especially in retrospect–I do not consciously know if I’m in or will ever be part of “THE” apocalypse — I don’t believe there are many of them, but to know one has lived through make-believe, personal Armageddon, it’s hard to grasp why those that voted for him didn’t see any of this shit that came on, or what was bound to get worse from his win. Because it didn’t seem to matter that he clearly didn’t completely believe in science but still, he was fine to vote for? His term happened to hit during a time in life that is bound to be filled with more anxiety. We’ll get to that later. He didn’t want the gig, didn’t act like he did and that’s simply why he continues to act unpresidential, because he is unpresidential. If that can’t be agreed upon, don’t worry, the Trump bashing will soon be less apparent. I see this elder apathy much like early adolescence often in my much older friends that also own hotels. But they aren’t leaders of the free world like he is, so I let some things go without a word. But I thought, this is probably a well deserved time for more words to compare with the president’s idiocy, words that I can tac up next to, there aside each other, not really caring if I share too much personally, make gramatical spelling errors, publish and not be afraid everything is shit. My intentions are good, the president is here, the Charlatan, don’t these years remind you of nothing you’ve ever experienced? Imagined? Who would want to? Someone like you…
SKIP TO SOBRIETY and Quarantine (1 year)
It wasn’t until March this year (2020), 10 months or so into sobriety, I started to think I couldn’t make it, not going through this entire pandemic without a drink of something. I couldn’t see myself anymore with the strength. So, I took a glass from a friend that didn’t know I quit at the time, and it was red pinot and warm. If I was a 4 out of 10 on the craving scale before the drink, I quickly hit the emergency break, threw it in reverse, and slid down the hill past the freaking farm near the number two and crunched to a stop on the gravel cul de sac inside the big zero. It put me off water, and I didn’t crave or want, need or turn to it for some easy relationship starter–what lubricates the action of love can also light a grill and burn the cook’s face off. I wasn’t interested in cooking with it, meeting anyone partaking small shots or mugs of it, supplying charcoal and holding a liter under my thumb of it, a bag of hotdogs and a stack of side dishes fermenting in it–I was not grilling out, er, I mean, I was not going to drink anymore. And I haven’t. It’s the end of June and I haven’t had a drink since May. I just decided that 37 is a good age to not have a drinking problem or DUI. Very simple. To those that do, it’s not always a lifelong issue–if someone asked me how many people I know who have a DUI, it would be easier to say no one than trying to remember, or care. I’m not an employer, though, so keep that in mind. Now, Esoteric isn’t about sobriety or drinking, it just happens to be a time sans alcohol Esoteric started.
In my mind, starting this was a good distraction, but I see now it has become work. I’ll do my best to keep images and words cycling through that are new and spontaneous wordplay abound, sober and weird, topical and insightful to boot.
WHAT IS ON ESOTERIC FOR ME?
(It’s not so selfless.)
For me, it’s a way to create and share, as well as read other work by even better writers with honestly interesting subject matter. Subject Matter…More on this to come.
If I listed all the things that I write about, all the things that are interesting only to me, my experiences, my imagination, it may be interesting at first but could get … you know, I don’t care what “experience” you have reading this. If creating this url discovers new things to relate to and with, gives someone an idea, provides understanding or makes another not understand, it just further declares much is to be learned from another set of eyes.
More to come in posts. I wanted to provide some introduction since it was rather empty. Things will fill in. I hope everyone stays safe and kind. – Space Cadet
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License.